


Cabbage Rick

by FeliciaAmelloides



Series: A Oneshot a Day... [108]
Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Gen, Pickle Rick Parody, not c-137
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 18:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14360733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeliciaAmelloides/pseuds/FeliciaAmelloides
Summary: “I turned myself into a cabbage, Morty! I’m Cabbage Riiiiiiiick!”“It doesn’t have the- the same ring to it.”Rick turned himself into a cabbage for some reason. Morty isn’t impressed.





	Cabbage Rick

**Author's Note:**

> A crack oneshot based on Pickle Rick but more of a parody than anything serious. It’s not supposed to have much of a plot- don’t take it to heart.
> 
> This Rick and Morty are not C-137. They agree with the Citadel but don’t live there. Instead they go there on/off, usually to do business with or get information from other Ricks. The Mortys talk while their Ricks argue.

“Morty!” A familiar yelled from the general direction of the garage. Morty sighed, trying his best to ignore it. Lately Rick’s inventions had been so strange that he was almost certain it was a Rick from another dimension, and he was sick of dealing with his bullshit.

“Mortyyyyy! I know you can -URP- hear me! M-Morty, come down to the- to the garage, Morty. It’s important, Morty!” Again, Morty sighed. He considered plugging in his headphones and turning the volume up to ignore Rick, but the asshole would probably rig them to explode or something later if he did that now.

“C-come on, Morty!” For about five minutes the calls continued in that manner. All the while, Morty just calmly ignored his grandfather. Then all of a sudden the irritation and subtle desperation in Rick’s voice dissipated, giving way to a cold calm.

“If you don’t come right now, I’m sending your internet browser history to Jessica. And you know I get the history off private browser, Morty.” The brunet shrieked, almost falling off his chair in his mad rush to the garage. He flung the door open and raced inside.

“Rick, don’t!” Morty screamed, not paying attention to his surroundings until he realised something. The garage was completely empty. 

“Rick?” Suspicion was the first emotion to enter his mind. Maybe a year ago it would have been confusion and/or fear, but now he knew what Rick was like and wouldn’t be fooled so easily.

“Morty, o-over -URP- here.” Rick’s voice echoed through the garage, causing his grandson to jump in surprise. Following the sound, he slowly approached the counter at the other end of the garage.

“Rick? You’re n-not super tiny or s-something, are you?” He nervously asked the air, looking around for the crazy scientist. The only thing on the counter was an oversized cabbage, and that couldn’t possibly be Rick, right? 

Wait. This was _Rick Sanchez_. 

Morty frowned as he examined the vegetable more closely. Doubt clouded his mind, but suspicion cleared it, leading to him lifting one of the leaves from the green object.

Lying underneath the leaf was a face.

Morty screamed for the second time within the last ten minutes, jolting backwards and dropping the leaf. Immediately he was met with a protest from Rick.

“Aw, why’d you- why’d you do that, Mo-OURGH-ty? I gotta- gotta get rid of that leaf to see, Morty!” It was then that Morty was certain that yes, Rick and the cabbage were somehow fused.

“Aw geez, Rick! Why are you a-a cabbage?” The situation wasn’t unheard of- Morty had met at least four other Mortys over the course of his adventures into the Citadel whose Ricks had turned themselves into vegetables. It was still somewhat disturbing, but he wasn’t afraid- just kind of confused.

“I turned myself into a cabbage, Morty! I’m Cabbage Riiiiiiiick!” He answered as if reading from a script. Morty lifted the leaf covering Rick’s face again to give him a look.

“It doesn’t have the- the same ring to it.” Morty broke the fourth wall to deliver this statement. Rick shot him a pointed glare.

“What do you know about m-making names, huh Morty? Nothing. That’s what.” He actually pouted like a small child. Morty rolled his eyes, dropping the leaf, “W-wait, Morty!”

“Turn yourself back, Rick. This trope’s been overdone alrea- already.” With that, Morty turned and started to head out.

“Morty! Stop being such a-a little asshole. Get back here, Morty!” Rick’s leaves rustled, but being a cabbage he couldn’t actually move.

“No, Rick.” Morty calmly replied, hand on the doorknob. Rick’s eyes widened and he tried to will his body towards the brunet. No luck. He was a cabbage after all.

The door slammed shut, and Rick was alone.

Two seconds later, an alarm went off on the counter next to him and a small dart of antidote was fired into him from the device connected to said alarm. Almost immediately Rick’s leaves twitched before he transformed back into a human, naked and weirdly sticky as he sat atop the counter.

Being a sentient cabbage was seemingly not impressive enough for his grandson.

**Author's Note:**

> I often write these prompts as non-fandom cracky garbage, so I actually made this sentient object fic about a fandom for once!
> 
> Prompt- Sentient Cabbage.
> 
> Original Number- 118.


End file.
